Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
