I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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