I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
