I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
