I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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