i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
