bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
