He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
