someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
