Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
