remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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