Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
