My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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