I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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