I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
