Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
