Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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