I think I died a long time ago.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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