yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I will be naked everywhere
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
