I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
