If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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