Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
