Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
