why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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