i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
operation harelip BJ is a go
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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