Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
