Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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