porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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