so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
