dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize