the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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