Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
