Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
