you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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