i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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