PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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