i would punch a child for taco bell
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
