Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
