Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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