I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
