You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
