The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
