Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
