hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
