i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
