Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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