My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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