nut hugger
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I want a musical about memes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
