im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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