What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
is it fun? or sober?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
