listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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