apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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