Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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