A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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