i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
