i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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