We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
