Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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