Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
