She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
