Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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