i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
