I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
