we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
