She is in my trunk
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize