Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it hurts more in the daytime
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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