My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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