I think i sorta joined a cult last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
