well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
