i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
