Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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