DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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