someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
