everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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